South Africa 2008 - Communal Living and Relatives in Close Quarters
I've been driving around Johannesburg getting my head used to driving on the left side (I credit my excellent hand-eye coordination to many years of video game playing. I can "remap" very easily) and after a trip this afternoon to Makro (the South Africa "Costco" giant wholesale warehouse equivalent) I returned home to find no less than twenty souls in the house.
I am immersed in Black (mostly Zulu, but some Sotho) culture here, so I can't speak to White South African culture, but from what I can tell, when someone is in town, Black Folks come over. We had visitors from Lesotho, from Pretoria, from Zimbabwe, from all over.
All of this is a culture shock to me each time. It's at once comforting and grating. Predictable and chaotic. Here's the parts, even after nearly a decade of marriage, that I haven't gotten used to.
What's for Dinner?
Folks just show up. No call, no write, just, hey, what's for dinner? But the interesting part is that dinner is never mentioned. People arrive and sit on the couch. The meal is completely implied. We had a meal at 4pm. We'd already had lunch, and we had dinner planned, but there was a "critical mass" of humans, and food started showing up. At some point we were having a braai. Someone started looking for a goat to slaughter, while someone else starting wondering if it was allowed in city limits.
Relatives arrived, each one that showed up brought five others we couldn't quite place. So-in-so's uncle's ex-wife's daughter's sister and the like. And their three kids. And they stay. For a long time.
There are a couple of things I can hear my father saying, in my head, that would never be said in South Africa.
"Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out."
"You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."
Folks may scandalize and gossip, but they'll never let you go hungry or without a place to sleep in South Africa.
Start Inflating Beds
At some point it's clear that folks aren't leaving so inflatable air beds are brought out. Blankets appear from no where. More blankets that you'd think could comfortably fit in a normal sized house. I don't know where they come from nor where they disappear to, but sleeping quarters are quickly assembled by social pecking order.
If you're a teenager, you get whatever couch or scrap of floor is left. If you're an elder, you get a proper bed. Boys under 30 on air mattresses, families in rooms, girls on couches, everyone else find a spot. Just wait until morning as folks get up earlier and earlier to try to be the first in the bath. Sucks to run out of hot water in a three bedroom house with 19 people.
Women in the Kitchen, Men in Front of the TV
At some point, like silt separating while panning for gold, the house starts to split with women in the kitchen area and men in the living area. Or, manning the braai/bbq. Grunt. Men. Fire!
Oddly, as a Sensitive White Man, it's a little unclear where I am supposed to be, so I end up flitting between the two. The women don't find me threatening, rather they find me fascinating and I'm peppered with questions. The men are disappointed to learn I can't even fake caring about soccer. Ah, the Pirates! No, Ajax! No, Bosso! Ah, whatever. Is Manchester a valid answer? Did we get a home run?
Who moved my Cheese?
My wife loves Flakes and Crunchies. You can find them in the states, but they are definitely a specialty item. Certainly not available everywhere. We try to get a box and smuggle them back to the states when we go. I bought her five Flakes today and put them in the fridge so they wouldn't melt in this oppressive Christmas weather. I went to tell her about them, and literally by the time I'd returned there was one left, and four wrappers strewn about.
In the US Judicial System you are "innocent until proven guilty" but this is reversed in many countries. In my household and in the households I've been raised in, food in the fridge is "someone else's unless you know it's yours." Here, it seems, that anything not bolted down or labeled is edible.
I have since hidden my stash of Black Cat Peanut Snacks under my pillow.
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chrisntr
Welcome to Africa. I theorise something about the randomness of it all, creates the fufilling sense of happiness that filters thru somehow.
Dont make too much attempt trying to make sense of it all. Just accept it, you know like a 4 year old...and the shock value would start fizzling out.
good post. Hope you r having a great time.
Shared my stash of Black Cat Peanut Stacks with an American traveller yesterday. Addictive, aren't they ?
-- rowan
PS South African hospitality - black or white - is pretty much legendary. The only reason that you phone a friend before visiting is if you want to save yourself a wasted drive if they are not in. I even have the access codes for a couple of friends' front gates ...
When its time to leave, they don't just tell someone to drop you to the airport, they "all" go with you to the airport to say bye.
It happened also in Romania only decades ago, people pop up in front of your door for a visit no matter whether you were prepared or not. People were closer to each other back then, more informal and the sense of community was stronger.
Things have changed a lot since then.
"ubuntu - A Zulu word, literally meaning "humanness." Ubuntu is a social and spiritual philosophy serving as a framework for African society. Its essential meaning can be conveyed using the Zulu maxim "umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu"—meaning, in essence, "a person is a person through other persons." The practice of ubuntu is fundamentally inclusive, involving respect and concern for one's family and one's neighbors. It also implies respect for one's ancestors, in a deeper spiritual sense. Ubuntu defines the individual as a component of a greater (inclusive) collective whole, and it stresses social consciousness and unity."
Alternatively, I know about this site, which also supplies SA products to the US. Don't know how good they are, but they do offer Flake's and Crunchies: http://www.shop-southafricans.com/cadbury.aspx
Also, I think Cadbury products in the USA are made by Hershey, so the chocolate doesn't taste at all the same...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premier_Soccer_League_(South_Africa) is a good place to get started. It is likely that whichever team is local to where you are will be the favorite team of most assembled, similar to when you're at the Mothership, how football talk will turn to the Seahawks. Like anywhere, this isn't a hard and fast rule.
Soccer's easy. Scoring is goals (1 point per). Two 45 minute halves per match, and then there are points (which are how they measure standings, since matches between all teams in the league aren't always played simultaneously). Three for a win, one for a draw, none for a loss.
The two you have to worry about are both in Soweto - Kaiser Chiefs and Orlando Pirates. They're bitter rivals, and lives have been lost when these two play each other. It's like Arsenal/Spurs in England, or Eagles/Giants in the US, only way more violent.
I'd shake out the room for allegiances before you declare any between Chiefs/Pirates. You might hear "Amakhosi" (ref. Chiefs) and "Buccaneers" (ref. Pirates) instead, but regardless, staying neutral (and unknowledgeable) may be the thing that keeps you safe.
Good luck!
John
I don't think that type of arrangement is conducive to success or excellence. You need to be able focus and not just somewhat but intently. I think it was schopenhauer or someone talking about schopenhauer that those who are able to make their mark have the ability to concentrate and focus with no distraction.
While western civilization is not superior in terms of giving human beings meaning and living a life worth living, It cannot be denied that Western civilization is the most successful that world has ever known on one level.
Joe
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