Scott Hanselman

The new Information Worker Resume or CV Template

January 7, '14 Comments [18] Posted in Musings
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Scott Hanselman, Information Worker

Objective

To find a position with a dynamic and progressive technology company that utilizes my leadership abilities and skills deleting email.

Experience

Line Engineer - Gmail - Google

  • Designed and implemented a system wherein two gmail accounts with autoresponders replied to each other in a loop until one achieved sentience.
  • {I have|I've} been {reading|skimming|pretending to read} e-mails {5 years|10 years|decades|please make it stop}, and yours is definitely one of the {best|most interesting|most thoughtfully written}. {It's|It is} brightened my day and compelled me to {schedule a follow-up meeting|create a recurring meeting|create a high priority rule just for you}. {By all means|Please|I humbly beg you}, don't hesitate to e-mail me again, perhaps expanding your to a wider list?

Product Manager - Microsoft Outlook - Microsoft

  • Formulated models to determine team synergies and core competencies based entirely on depth of e-mail threads. This information fed directly into stack ranking calculations at a large unnamed software corporation in the Pacific Northwest
  • Investigated "Predictive Email Deletion" in which a sender's e-mail would be remotely deleted before it was sent.

Junior Project Manager - Yahoo! Mail - Yahoo

  • Worked on the team that pioneered the technique of sending another email after an unsubscribe request.
  • Spearheaded a study group to determine if remote workers could be contacted via e-mail. Was eventually fired as the last remote worker.

Education

Masters Degree in Computer Science

Thesis work on "The Anatomy of a Large-Scale Email Deletion Engine." I set out to prove that one could dramatically increase throughput and productivity through the use of Ctrl-A and Delete in large scale information systems. I successfully proved that information worker productivity scales linearly with e-mail deletion, and as such those with the most email should be in charge.

Bachelors of Science in Software Engineering and Product Management

Explored the psychological efforts on team dynamics of having a project manager with "1000+" in every folder in Microsoft Outlook. Teams of up to 20 people experienced disintegration of cultural barriers and constructive synergies once the first direct manager lost control of their inbox. Cannibalism quickly followed.

Volunteerism

  • Quora For Kids - Board member of non-profit dedicated to teaching kids how to unsubscribe from Quora emails.
  • Community Committee for Email Compliance - Outreach 501c3 with the mission to increase visibility of the laws around having an email signature longer than the email itself.
    • Privileged/Confidential information may be contained in this resume and may be subject to legal privilege. Access to this resume by anyone other than the intended is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient (or responsible for delivery of the message to such person), you may not use, copy, distribute or deliver to anyone this resume (or any part of its contents ) or take any action in reliance on it. In such case, you should destroy this message, and notify us immediately. If you have received this resume in error, please notify us immediately by postcard, fax, telegram, courier, or telephone and delete the resume from any computer. If you or your employer does not consent to resumes of this kind, please notify us immediately. All reasonable precautions have been taken to ensure no viruses are present in this resume. As our company cannot accept responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the use of this resume or attachments we recommend that you subject these to your virus checking procedures prior to use. The views, opinions, conclusions and other information expressed in this CV are not given or endorsed by the company unless otherwise indicated by an authorized representative independent of this message.

References

Please send email for references.


Going to SXSW? Come see me at 5pm on March 10th talk about email, productivity, and how to truly stay sane.

About Scott

Scott Hanselman is a former professor, former Chief Architect in finance, now speaker, consultant, father, diabetic, and Microsoft employee. I am a failed stand-up comic, a cornrower, and a book author.

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Tuesday, January 07, 2014 7:09:21 PM UTC
Just write a PowerShell script to delete your e-mails for you, and collect a paycheck. Solid objective.
Tuesday, January 07, 2014 7:09:23 PM UTC
Nice Scott ;) I love intelligence + sarcasm, makes for great nerd humor!
Tuesday, January 07, 2014 7:11:21 PM UTC
Hired!

You can start as soon as you find the acceptance email in your spam folder.

Pete
Tuesday, January 07, 2014 7:13:19 PM UTC
Lol
Dan
Tuesday, January 07, 2014 7:30:48 PM UTC
Well done :-)

Just what I needed, now to package it up and reply to all those recruiter mails I've been meaning to reply too...

Tuesday, January 07, 2014 7:55:22 PM UTC
That was hilarious!
Ismail Anwar
Tuesday, January 07, 2014 8:19:24 PM UTC
Brilliant! I especially appreciate this one which is one of my pet peeves:

"Worked on the team that pioneered the technique of sending another email after an unsubscribe request."
Brad Rem
Tuesday, January 07, 2014 8:25:17 PM UTC
You should post it on Monster and see how many bites you get (and how emails you get)...
Rob Bohn
Tuesday, January 07, 2014 10:20:39 PM UTC
On vacation at the beach with immediate 9 family members. Waited 5 years for this. And it's raining.

This made me laugh really hard. Thanks, Scott.
bill
Wednesday, January 08, 2014 12:32:44 AM UTC
LOL. See? Insanity does have its benefits.
Wednesday, January 08, 2014 1:49:13 AM UTC
Liked your posting - will send an email with more details.
jim kennelly
Wednesday, January 08, 2014 3:05:47 AM UTC
LOL! Made my day. :D
Francis
Wednesday, January 08, 2014 3:43:30 AM UTC
email? whatwusdadagain??
kow
Wednesday, January 08, 2014 6:04:17 AM UTC
Quora for kids. I lol'd.
Wednesday, January 08, 2014 9:36:10 AM UTC
Hmm, let me guess ...
Have you found your mailbox full of nonsense stuff when you came back from the Christmas holidays, right?
Me too!
Thursday, January 09, 2014 6:30:44 AM UTC
I have inbox zero in all my 6 email inboxes, does that mean i am a super human?
Karthik
Friday, January 17, 2014 4:38:03 PM UTC
Monster and Quora, most of my emails come from them, haha!
Matt
Thursday, March 13, 2014 4:21:52 PM UTC
Scott, thanks for the resume you've submitted.
Could you make it in for an interview on Friday?
:)
Tim
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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed herein are my own personal opinions and do not represent my employer's view in any way.